life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
