I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
