Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
