im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
