Slut skills are useful in every country.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
