Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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