just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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