Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
