He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
