Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
