You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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