Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
