I'd wear matching sweaters with you
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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