I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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