remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
