I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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