at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
