Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I want her autograph on my taint
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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