My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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