she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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