im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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