I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
