There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
