i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
