you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
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