i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
