Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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