After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
