I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
