I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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