I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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