i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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