If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Congratulations! We have a period
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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