God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Are my feet made of real feet?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
