Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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