she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Congratulations! We have a period
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