so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
