Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
