She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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