Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
