Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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