why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
