Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
soo... how was my night?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
