i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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