yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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