oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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