i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
