I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
