Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
