This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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